For those that haven’t read the book, it lays out a method of what they call “principled negotiation.” This is an alternative to the classic “positional negotiation” that’s little more than starting at two extremes and haggling to some center point with little regard for what makes sense. They also point out that positional negotiation can also be less adverserial, although possibly just as destructive, when one or both negotiators are falling over each other to make concessions in the interests of protecting the relationship, such as when a boyfriend “gives in” to his girlfriend, despite what he really wants.

The authors cover four basic aspects to the method then relate how to use the method even if others in the negotiation aren’t. As with Difficult Conversations, they include plenty of examples and one of the impressive aspects is that those examples range from a husband and a wife figuring out a floor plan for a custom home to the Camp David Accords.

Like many of the best books in the self-improvement and business categories, much of what’s in the book will be familiar. (“I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down our particular path than we have gone ourselves.” – E M Forster)

We’ve all negotiated with others many, many times and had varying levels of success. The successful negotiations often included inadvertent or instinctive reliance on some aspects of these methods. But the complete method described in Getting to Yes brings it all together, explaining why some negotiations have failed and how others could have gone better.

In just the last few days, I’ve already had several opportunities to start practicing the techniques from figuring out what to have for dinner to improving the possibilities for two deals that my company is seeking to make with other companies – one as a vendor, one as a customer. As such, I can’t help but pile on the bandwagon and recommend this book as what ought to be required reading. If you haven’t read it, you need to, and not just for work. If you have kids, you need to get them to read it, too, as I think it will be one of those things that prepares them for adulthood more than anything they will learn in school.

I was talking with a wedding photographer recently that was trying to figure out the right call to action to use for a series of Google AdWords ad campaigns. My suggestion was to offer something that might be useful to a bride in exchange for an email address. The photographer could prepare a short PDF on the subject of how to pose during the photography session to get the best results.

The photographer was thinking about an offer of a free “parents’ book” with the purchase of a wedding photography package.

That’s too much, too early. Think about it for a moment: the bride clicks on an ad and sees an offer that makes an assumption that she will hire the photographer for the wedding and after the event, when photos are being prepared, the photographer will make up an extra book for her parents.

Aren’t we kind of jumping ahead in this relationship?

I suggested thinking about it like dating. When the person clicking on your ad first comes to your site, you only just met after a nominal introduction that suggests there might be some potential there. Do you ask for a date by suggesting you’ll cook dinner for her on your anniversary?

That’s what I asked the photographer. Her response: “Creepy.”

Don’t be creepy. Make your call to action one that fits the state of the relationship as it stands. There will be plenty of time to cook her dinner later.